***Negadelphia is an exercise where I channel the opinion’s of Philly’s worst (i.e. WIP listeners) into a post on recent Philly sports events. No idiots were harmed in the making of this post unfortunately.***
Here’s a new story: The Flyers got booted from the playoffs early and have goaltending issues. Oh wait, that’s the same thing we hear EVERY YEAR! They struggled to beat a Buffalo team that the Mites on Ice could have swept. They got swept by those bean eating bastards with the funny accents like they were dirt on the cover of my mom’s couch. This team is a disgrace! Here’s my plan for the Flyers in the offseason:
- Sacrifice Brian Boucher to the hockey gods as part of a pagan ritual
o The Flyers haven’t had a good goalie since Ron Hextall was whacking Chris Chelios upside the head with his blocker. Something needs to be done. The clear answer is to put Brian Boucher and his stunning blue eyes on top of a volcano and push him in. And then sign Thomas Vokoun. Michael “Shutout” Leighton can be the backup.
- Name a new captain
o Laviolette needs to do what’s needed to be done for a long time now. Make an example of that vomit Mike Richards and dramatically tear the C off of his jersey on a stage in Center City. After that amazing playoff performance JVR needs to be made captain. He’s not an old, washed up hack like Richards and he’s not dying like Chris Pronger.
- Trade Richards, Pronger, Carter, Versteeg, Hartnell, and Carle
o I don’t care what you get for these bums. I’d take a case of beer in return. Crappy beer. Like Old Milwaukee crappy.
- Bring back Mike Keenan
o Laviolette had his chances and blew them. The Flyers haven’t had a real coach since Mike Keenan, so why not bring him back? If anyone can get these bums over the hump it’s him!
With these moves these whiners might be able to lift the Cup again at last. Is the NFL lockout over yet?