Punadelphia
All the good Philly blog names were already taken
Flying Away
Flyers general manager Paul Holmgren orchestrated one of the most shocking days in franchise history when he traded away cornerstones Mike Richards and Jeff Carter yesterday. It left everyone shocked. Both were under long contracts and were considered key to the franchise’s success.
Richards and Carter were controversial figures here. Many felt that Carter was too soft, didn’t play the game the right way, and all the other usual bullshit. Richards was quiet and standoffish with the media, leading many to think he was a poor leader and captain for this team. These qualities led their critics to celebrate the trades and the end of their era in Flyers’ history.
I’m not among those people. Objectively speaking Holmgren got a very good value for both players. I’m not objective about sports. I’m a fan and as a fan you get attached to players. Some people mock this and say to you, “Who cares? They weren’t champions!” You don’t care when you like the player being traded away. The Flyers traded away two talented, young centers who wanted to be here and frankly that sucks.
Carter will be best remembered for hitting on girls and missing the net. He had plenty of flaws but he also scored plenty of goals. He scores 35+ goals a year and is great on faceoffs. I’m not sure there’s really a definitive game for Carter, he was just that kind of player. He put up solid numbers every year even if they weren’t the most noticeable ones. And yes, I will absolutely miss all the jokes about him and Old City and Hartnell’s wife, etc.
Richards will be remembered for being a quiet captain. He was my favorite player on the team and I came extremely close to buying his jersey (dodged a bullet there I suppose). He put up decent offensive numbers but he was a great defensive player. Watching him and Giroux on the penalty kill was an absolute pleasure. Richie’s definitive performance is without a doubt Game 5 of the 2010 Eastern Conference Finals. He kicked ass and took names. Watching him lift the Prince of Wales trophy was amazing. I only wish I had seen him lift the Cup as well.
Best of luck to Mike Richards and Jeff Carter in their careers. I’ve had the pleasure of cheering for you from the time you were on the Phantoms. I’ll keep rooting for you. Unless you end up on the Penguins, Devils, or Rangers of course.
Conspiradelphia: Jailbirds!
People often joke about the Philadelphia Eagles being an evil organization. They speak of their attempts to undermine the Phillies at every turn and remain just good enough to not win a Super Bowl but still steal the fans’ money. Well, the recent talk of the Eagles being interested in signing the soon to be released from prison Plaxico Burress led me to proof that the Eagles are an evil organization.
They’re setting up athletes for crimes just so they can sign them later for cheap!
Crazy right? WRONG! It’s not at all crazy. Think about it. The Eagles realized that Donovan McNabb wasn’t going to last forever and needed a successor. Michael Vick was their man, but the Atlanta Falcons were never going to let go of him. Solution? Frame him for running a dog fighting ring! I mean really, did you think any professional athlete was actually dumb enough to be running a dog fighting ring despite the fact that he was already making millions of dollars a year? Not a chance in Hell.
As for Burress, there was no way the Eagles were going to pry him away from one of their biggest rivals, the Giants. There’s also no way that Burress would be dumb enough to carry a gun in a pair of sweat pants to a club. I have discovered documents that say that former Eagle RENO MAHE planted the gun on Burress.
The Philadelphia Eagles and their vile conspiracies need to be stopped before an innocent cornerback ends up in jail next.
Negadelphia: Flying Low
***Negadelphia is an exercise where I channel the opinion’s of Philly’s worst (i.e. WIP listeners) into a post on recent Philly sports events. No idiots were harmed in the making of this post unfortunately.***
Here’s a new story: The Flyers got booted from the playoffs early and have goaltending issues. Oh wait, that’s the same thing we hear EVERY YEAR! They struggled to beat a Buffalo team that the Mites on Ice could have swept. They got swept by those bean eating bastards with the funny accents like they were dirt on the cover of my mom’s couch. This team is a disgrace! Here’s my plan for the Flyers in the offseason:
– Sacrifice Brian Boucher to the hockey gods as part of a pagan ritual
o The Flyers haven’t had a good goalie since Ron Hextall was whacking Chris Chelios upside the head with his blocker. Something needs to be done. The clear answer is to put Brian Boucher and his stunning blue eyes on top of a volcano and push him in. And then sign Thomas Vokoun. Michael “Shutout” Leighton can be the backup.
– Name a new captain
o Laviolette needs to do what’s needed to be done for a long time now. Make an example of that vomit Mike Richards and dramatically tear the C off of his jersey on a stage in Center City. After that amazing playoff performance JVR needs to be made captain. He’s not an old, washed up hack like Richards and he’s not dying like Chris Pronger.
– Trade Richards, Pronger, Carter, Versteeg, Hartnell, and Carle
o I don’t care what you get for these bums. I’d take a case of beer in return. Crappy beer. Like Old Milwaukee crappy.
– Bring back Mike Keenan
o Laviolette had his chances and blew them. The Flyers haven’t had a real coach since Mike Keenan, so why not bring him back? If anyone can get these bums over the hump it’s him!
With these moves these whiners might be able to lift the Cup again at last. Is the NFL lockout over yet?
Preeminent Howard Sympathizer
Hi gang, were you aware that I am the preeminent defender, publicist, interviewer, and ice cream getter for Ryan Howard? It’s true*!
First there was the time that Marshall Harris from Comcast Sportsnet asked my very important questions on air during an interview
Screencap courtesy of the esteemed @cranekicker
Yup, that’s me, asking the important questions to The Big Man. Of course I was just poking fun at all the people who freaked out when Howard visited Dorney Park while he was injured last season, I of the opinion “who cares?”.
I’ve also gotten into my fair share of Twitter discussions regarding Howard’s value. I’m a fan of the guy, owned his jersey since 2007. He’s not close to perfect but he’s been a huge part of the Phillies’ recent success. But somehow I’ve become the person to gloat to if Howard has a bad night.
Really?
Make note that I had barely tweeted about the Phillies game and was instead concentrating on the slow, painful death of the Flyers at the time. So someone actually associates me enough with Ryan Howard to call me out for him having a bad night when I wasn’t even really discussing it? Said person also decided to call me a Howard sympathizer, like a Nazi sympathizer? The internet’s absurdity never ceases to amaze me.
*Hyperbole may have been used
Digesting A Sweep
The Flyers' newest goaltending prospect
As a Philadelphia fan I’ve become used to failure. I try to remain positive and be a good fan but the fact remains that in the 27 years I’ve been on this Earth I’ve only seen a Philadelphia sports team win a championship once.
The latest loss is the Flyers’ sweep at the hands of the Boston Bruins. It was an awful series. An infuriating series. Most of all it was a disappointing series. Their run to the Stanley Cup Finals last year was amazing and I wanted to go through that again. To have it end like this…well to put it in the plainest terms it sucks.
I got angry at first. How could the team play so great earlier in the season and play so terrible now? Then I got depressed. And then I just sighed and took it again. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it does happen a lot. The thing is that the Flyers are my favorite team. I’m not going to stop liking them over some disappointment. And yes, I know I’m rambling at this point but it’s good and cathartic. So there’s that.
Let’s go Flyers, no matter what.
Negadelphia: God Bless This Mess
***Negadelphia is an exercise where I channel the opinion’s of Philly’s worst (i.e. WIP listeners) into a post on recent Philly sports events. No idiots were harmed in the making of this post unfortunately.***
The 2010-2011 Philadelphia Flyers have to be the laziest team I’ve ever seen. Can’t find the motivation? If I’m making $5 million a year I’m finding some motivation amirite! Those bums have dropped out of first place and might even finish in fourth! If that happens they face the Lightning and it’s like 2004 all over again.
Even at this point their top goalie, who was inexplicably banished to the minors all season, Michael Leighton, can’t save them. You know who’s fault this is? Everyone’s! But mostly Paul Holmgren, Jeff Carter, and that prick Mike Richards.
Homer assembled this lazy bunch of assholes and should be held responsible first and foremost. How can you put a legend like Leighton in the minors all season? Irresponsible general managing, that’s how. This never would have happened if Clarkie was at the helm.
Jeff Carter is the laziest piece of shit I’ve ever seen. Yeah he scores 30 goals a year but he’s just reaping the benefits of hard working players like Dan Carcillo and Andreas Nodl. Maybe if he wasn’t so busy doing tequila shots in Old City with Richards he’d do an ounce of hard work for the first time in his life.
And this brings me to worst of all, Mike Richards. “The Captain”. Captain of what? Captain of boozin’ and losin’? Captain of whining? What a baby. My kid would be a more assertive captain than Richie. You should be nicer to the media too ya loser, that’s your job! Shoulda made Pronger captain…
One and done this year folks, book your golf trips.
Negadelphia: Phillies Game 4
***Negadelphia is an exercise where I channel the opinion’s of Philly’s worst (i.e. WIP listeners) into a post on recent Philly sports events. No idiots were harmed in the making of this post unfortunately.***
4 aces? Yeah sure. The Phillies suffered their first loss last night and boy do I mean suffered! They lost 7-1 to the stinkin’ lowly Mets. Pathetic. If Cole Hamels can’t beat the Muts than what’s that fat moron Joe Blanton going to do, pee his pants? And if they can’t beat the Mets, one of the worst teams ever in the history of man, what are they going to do against real teams like the Giants??? My Mets fan coworker won’t leave me alone this morning. I had to do the walk of shame into the office. This is my hell.
Did I boo Cole Hammels when he got pulled from the mound? You bet I did. Prick never even should have been World Series MVP in the first place, it should have been the best catcher on the planet, Chooch! Hamels needs his head in the game, not in his Comcast ads. Maybe if the Phils had traded him instead of Gavin Floyd things would be different.
And don’t even get me started on the offense. Ryan Howard isn’t allowed to have off nights. If that lazy bastard doesn’t get 3 RBIs a game the Phillies are in big trouble. Maybe if he wasn’t spending all his time in barber shops with Marshall Harris he could get to the batting cages once in a while!
The Phillies are in big trouble with a loss this early in the season. Cholly better not feel too comfortable with his contract extension.
Random Crap: The Curse of Michael Leighton, New HD Screen, Bum Fights, Sweet Lou
– The Flyers haven’t recorded a shutout since Michael Leighton recorded 3 in the Eastern Conference Finals against the Montreal Canadiens. This season, Michael Leighton has played a whopping 1 game for the Flyers. The logical conclusion? Michael Leighton has cursed the Flyers and we must reverse it with a combination of voodoo, ritual sacrifice, and Indian rain dances.
– The new HD screen at Citizen’s Bank Park is very, very nice but you have to wonder if Ruben Amaro Jr. sneaks in after hours and uses it to watch porn.
– A reliable source has informed me that Michael Vick is now sponsoring bum fights. Will he ever learn!? Anyone with pictures will get a hat tip and a promise of a free beer in the future.
– With Lou Williams out for the rest of the regular season Hip Hop is expected to get most of his minutes for the Sixers. Doug Collins said, “I completely trust Evan Turner to guard the bench.”
– I still don’t know anything about the Union as my white ass is too scared to go to Chester.
Where In The World Is Nikolay Zherdev?
Flyers’ winger Nikolay Zherdev has clearly fallen out of favor with the organization, being scratched on a nightly basis for the NHL version of the Abominable Snowman from Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer in Jody Shelley. This does not bode well for Zherdev as there are corpses that move faster than Shelley.
As it turns out Zherdev has just plain gone missing. The Flyers actually needed him on Friday when Mike Richards was a game time scratch due to emergency illness and according to Philadelphia Daily News reporter Frank Seravalli the team couldn’t physically find him. Homer needs to find him if he wants to trade him. He’s put bounty hunters on the case, including Boba Fett. Where is Nik Zherdev!?
I will join your Philly sports Voltron if you ask
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Punadelphia 